I believe it took her about 8 months to reach out to me. The first text after the no contact rule is not for you to text. Its quite literally a show on hiatus. I’ve had urges to reach out but I know there’s no point. If you do want to reconnect with your ex for some reason, you can make the first move if enough time has passed. ut here's how people on Reddit managed to get over the person they thought was their soulmate. I guess I looked for the attention she didn't give me, I know she loved me but I never felt wanted. They may or may not reach out to you though, some exes never return. I got an Email today from my Ex, last time we spoke was about 5 months ago. I just can't see a good reason to do it. Been 4 months and neither of us have contacted each other. It's easy to let your feelings get mixed up again. the fact that I'm the dumper - I'm not afraid to reach out to him. If there is one takeaway from this... is that Ex's almost always reach out to you if the relationship meant anything to them. My second breakup was a lot more destructive. Truth will not get him/her back. You also probably shouldn't reach out just to reiterate your point of view about what went wrong in the relationship, unless you really believe it'll help your ex feel better or grow. Each ‘ex case’ is different, there are no rules. Wait for your ex to text you when he or she is ready instead and your chances of reconciliation are going to be at its highest. You need to inspect your intentions and become aware of your own thought process before you contact your ex. Why did my EX reach out to me? You dont know when it comes back on air, but for all intents and purposes... its done and over with until further notice. “Hey, it’s been a while. You see, breakups give people time to reflect and think about what they want and instead of mostly focusing on the horrible times that made him feel like a four he thinks back to those times that made him feel like an eight. She would call or email after she had a break-up or after she got cheated on. it had its ups and downs like all relationships, I was still naïve didn't know what I had. Blocked on absolutely everything. It's been 2 years since we first broke up, and a year since we disconnected our relation. I would always recommend caution when reconnecting with ex's. Even email. Even if your ex is still (to the best of your knowledge) single, the psychotherapist warns against another scenario in which it's perhaps not the best idea to reach out. Some of my exes reached out years after the breakup, while others did it after 3-4 months of being apart. I think putting a blanket time limit on things can be a bit misleading. When does no contact start working on your ex? But the point is, every situation is different. “How did … This isnt a game of days, weeks, months or even years. … Read some texting articles on this website about how to reach out to your ex after a no contact is over. We have slept together multiple times after the breakup but it remains just that. It's been 2 years since we first broke up, and a year since we disconnected our relation. There isn't a magic number of days.... Its just when it feels right. She finally blocked me and I left it at that. In fact, a 2015 poll reports that of the 1,241 U.S. adults surveyed, more than half said that they had tried to stay friendly with an ex, even if they also said that a full communication stop is better after a breakup. When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Subscribe to our newsletter. I’m here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you …and it’s something you shouldn’t ruin. And that’s when something fascinating happens. As long as you’re living your life, sooner than later you will hear from him or her. The desire to reach out to your ex and to let them know how much you still care; how much you love them and tell them that you’re willing to do anything to make it work can sometimes feel like an urge to scratch an itchy spot that you can’t seem to get to. No tears and no pain! If it happens, great. After the initial relief your ex will feel right after the breakup, the next days of no contact (usually after a week or so) put your ex in a stage of curiosity.. I guess proper NC started after that and I ended up reaching out to her after 6 months... we are each other's best friend (ironically not my most painful breakup). My ex was actually pretty awesome. If you're wondering "will I ever hear from my ex again," I may have some good news for you. I dont harbor any sort of feelings about getting back together with her (she however has hinted that maybe she does). 4 steps to know how to get back with a stubborn ex 1/ Never try to make your ex reason with you. Medically Reviewed By: Ema Jones, LCSW Do exes come back? Your Ex makes a good impression on Social Media: Your ex comments on your posts and likes them a lot. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. What brings people back is love and realization that problems that caused the breakup were solvable after all. One who wants to talk to you will do so regardless of adversities he or she may have to encounter. I was technically the dumpee in the situations that I just described and after a lot of kicking and screaming, I followed through with NC and put enough time behind it before breaking it or responding to it. In my first breakup we never really lost contact. NC isn’t a way to bring exes back though. Learning that your ex has a new relationship forces you to move on with your life, and, painful as it feels, it is really a golden gift in disguise." Wait for your ex to text you when he or she is ready instead and your chances of reconciliation are going to be at its highest. Yeah, my cheating university ex used to reach out to chat and ask how my life was going every now and then for ~5 years after we broke up. When I graduated college, I had been dating a girl for over a year and thought she was the one. I had an ex like that. I deleted him off Facebook a few … Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicate—trying to stay friends. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. If it doesn't, great. Thank you, Oh I would never be rude, specially when I am asking for someone else opinion. the fact that I'm the dumper - I'm not afraid to reach out to him. ; Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. July 18, 2020 at 1:31 pm. I told the same thing to my ex. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. You can get a good idea of when no contact starts working on your ex and when the odds are best for them to reach out to you. But a recent Reddit thread asked men how often they talk to their exes, and their answers might work as some sort of guideline for you. what did you do when that happened to you? Hi Heidi, in this program we strongly suggest that you would reach out to your ex first to break the ice with you ex and re start your connection. If you reach out to your ex, there are only three possible outcomes: he’ll confess his undying love for you, he’ll respond nonchalantly, or he won’t reply at all. The simple answer: because she was thinking about you and wanted to talk with you again. I had planned on asking her to marry me, but at my graduation party she told me it was over. Whether your ex is setting up traps or genuinely wants you to reach out, it doesn’t change much for you. People shouldn’t rely on NC for anything else but empowerment. Need help with your relationship? Brett. If they’re receptive and happy to hear from you, great. How are you doing?” “Hey, hope you’re doing well :) You’ve been on my mind lately. Our relationship is... for a lack of a better word, tolerable. At this point, consider your ex an immovable object. Plus, my ex and I had already established what we like with each other, so the sex rarely disappoints." at the beggining it was magical, we both waited for so long in order to be together, and when we finally got together we both were extremely in love. there is no point. It's your dumper's turn to break the no contact rule and text you on his or her own terms. Sounds like you may be the safety net. Unfortunately, there is no real way to speed up the recovery process. I think maybe she would’ve, but from the start I told her I didn’t want to be friends. last time I had any communication with her was about 5-6 months ago, and the last time I saw her was Feb of 2013. From my experience, it’s usually a form of “grass is greener”, but in reverse. Some of my exes reached out years after the breakup, while others did it after 3-4 months of being apart. and then all of a sudden we stopped talking and hanging out. 13. Even if your ex is still (to the best of your knowledge) single, the psychotherapist warns against another scenario in which it's perhaps not the best idea to reach out. Don't know the details of her relationship with this order guy, I know they have been together for almost 3 years, so that's why it was strange she would get in contact with me out of the blue like that. I just can't see a good reason to do it. By: Nicola Kirkpatrick Updated December 21, 2020. I want to know how he is feeling. We use to talk and hang out after our break up. So whatever you do, don't follow the 30, 45, or 60-day no contact rule because it's a hoax. It drove me insane. If not, it’ll only confirm that waiting for them to reach out was a huge waste of time, so it’s a win-win situation. The … If you want your ex back, you shouldn’t reach out for any reason, even to wish them a happy birthday. The First Stage of No Contact Working: Curiosity. Ways to Reach Out to an Ex Who Left You for an Ex. I’m here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you …and it’s something you shouldn’t ruin. I chatted with him politely a few times out of curiosity and told him my life was awesome. They may or may not reach out to you though, some exes never return. I posted here the other day about craving contact from him. It's your ex. From my experience, it’s usually a form of “grass is greener”, but in reverse. Such an act will look like such a person is stalking you. Friends - If you are in need of mental health counseling please visit: https://www.BetterHelp.com/Rory *I receive commissions for referrals to BetterHelp. Details* Our relationship lasted 3.5 yrs. I posted here the other day about craving contact from him. I do crave contact from him. (I … yea that's what I figured, although I'm not saying its a bad thing because if she just wants someone to pass the time with, why not, I mean she is hot. Each factor greatly affects this. I also spoke to dumpers, looked and browsed through various forums and conversed with dumpees from all over the world to provide the most accurate information I possibly can. we haven't seen each other since Feb of 2013. The first text after the no contact rule is not for you to text. I have no information to share lol. there is no point. They wonder why you haven’t reached out and why you haven’t fought to get them back since most other people do. Hi anon. It depends on 2 things: the personality of your ex and the nature of the breakup. Each ‘ex case’ is different, there are no rules. What are reasons you've reached out to your exes? Yeah, that one, the guy who ripped your heart out and then stomped on it -- and then was adamant about how he wanted to "stay friends." Plus I don’t want her to think I’m weak. If you have unfinished business with your ex and you want to know how to reach out to an ex after the breakup, you first need to understand the times when it’s okay to reach out as a dumpee. We use to talk and hang out after our break up. It’s at this point that your ex boyfriend becomes very unhappy and seeks out a breakup. I'm actually very glad I went. I survived. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. My first one was a 5 year relationship that ended because we had two different ideas on how to go about taking it to the next level. Depending on your age, the type of situation you are in or your marital status, your chances of getting back together run from ten to sixty-five percent. It's hard to speculate, without knowing the details of your relationship and breakup with her. Edit: Thank you guys for taking the time to respond to my inquiry today! And finally, if you feel like it's appropriate, you can also reach out to your ex for closure — but proceed with caution. And as is most characteristic of stubborn people, they will not give credence to anything you say, even if it is the truth. The second one was an 8 month long relationship that ended because of toxic reasons. It's hard to get over any breakup — let alone one with a person you thought you would be with forever. It was sudden and we went on multiple rounds of NC and talking... the first 3 months was a blur... NC for a week, one of us breaks it, NC for another 3 weeks. Did she reach you? If I truly wanted to reach out to him, I would. Text her to start the conversation in a friendly, non-pressured way. It might surprise you that there are stages that your ex will go through during no contact. Ive gone through 2 major break ups in my life (technically its 3 but im not counting this last one just yet). now out of the blue she emails me, just to say hi and see how … So whatever you do, don't follow the 30, 45, or 60-day no contact rule because it's a hoax. If you reply back, be polite, but try to stay objective and don't get carried away. I use to flirt with girls and it got to the point where she didn't want to be a part of a relationship like that. It's your dumper's turn to break the no contact rule and text you on his or her own terms. Just wanted to check in” Talk about things you know she’s up to. Reaching out to apologize to an ex for your hurtful actions can be really meaningful to them, as long as it's about making them feel validated and not just about clearing your own conscience. I got an Email today from my Ex, last time we spoke was about 5 months ago. It took us 6 months to finally fully breakup. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. at the beggining it was magical, we both waited for so long in order to be together, and when we finally got together we both were extremely in love. But there might be complicated reasons as to why she wants to talk with you again. "It's no longer acceptable to text when you keep getting blamed for all things gone wrong, when there's no shared responsibility, or when you're virtually in this relationship alone," she explains. I am not confused with my feelings for her... but maybe she is with hers. If I truly wanted to reach out to him, I would. Yeah, that one, the guy who ripped your heart out and then stomped on it -- and then was adamant about how he wanted to "stay friends." The 3rd one is ongoing.. It's your ex. When It Feels Right. As in most cases, it really depends on the relationship, the personalities of the people involved, the reason for the breakup, and the length of the relationship. we haven't seen each other since Feb of 2013. and I'm not afraid to contact him. I never hooked up or went out with any girl, I did flirt which I know was wrong. she broke up with me, we stayed friends after that, until she got a BF, we kept in touch after that, hung out occasionally. Press J to jump to the feed. I want to know how he is feeling. My ex and I recently went out for the first time since we broke up. They couldn't even if they wanted to in my case. and I'm not afraid to contact him. now out of the blue she emails me, just to say hi and see how I am, which is weird since she has never done that. You receive a lot of mixed messages when you begin wondering about your chances of getting back with your ex. Being able to forgive and be secure in that forgiveness is essential before reaching out to an ex. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Your Ex is keenly interested in knowing if you're in a new relationship : They ask if you're dating a new person already to know if they still have a chance of coming back or if they can still win back your heart. The first option seems positive on the surface, but there’s a reason you broke up and it’s probably a good one. No excuses, no manipulation, some apologies. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Press J to jump to the feed. I have conducted a survey from my past clients and asked them how long it took their exes to reach out. There's no time limit to exes reaching out, both parties have to work through their issues (however long that takes, everyone is different). It depends on 2 things: the personality of your ex and the nature of the breakup. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. We aren't friends but im cordial to her. (I … I do crave contact from him. Why Do Exes Feel The Need to Reach Out to You After... Thread starter Harry Wilmington; Start date Sep ... how likely is it that re-connecting with an ex could ever really work out if neither person is able to downplay the pet peeve that makes them want to break up ... Facebook Twitter Reddit Pinterest Tumblr WhatsApp Email Link.