However unhappy you are in your own marriage, is it really fair to begin a relationship with a married man and potentially ruin his marriage too? How will she react if she finds out that the pair of you are sending secret emails, arranging to meet up etc etc. reassurance that I'm still attractive to after 20 years (DH ignores me most of time, sex life non-existent). After a year and a half in this 4th relationship, my girlfriend at that time had cheated on me and I had also ended that relationship upon discovering this. it's like risking a solid marriage for a fantasy, isn't it? Just as you have likely changed over the years since last being with your ex, your ex has undergone physical, emotional, and intellectual changes as well. My story is very similar, 28 years after we finished she has contacted me. Maybe you just came through a divorce or death or your last child moved out of the house leaving you by yourself. I had an old college flame email me. If and when you do meet up with him, remember that HE has a wife and family too, and even if your relationship with your husband is not going so well at the moment, maybe this meeting could cause a lot of trouble in your ex's marriage. Interesting to see that you wrote "Old boyfriend mega successful barrister, rich, good looking etc.DH bit of a loser, bitter, angry and bad tempered. I used to love opera, and found DH irresistible because he loves it dearly, but having being married with him for few years I can tell you that I loved that he could sing Aida from beginning to end on the time it toke us to get from the airport to home (long way to the airport as you can appreciate), now every time he tries to play it I feel like killing him However, most "rekindlers" (as experts call them) are folks who get together after decades apart. shopaholic Tue 22-Jun-04 16:35:39. When I was going out with each of them I loved them - and still loved them after we broke up. Seniors Who Reunite With Old Flames. But after two years, he broke up with me. What if you get hooked and your Ex doesn't seem interested?, could you deal with that? Curiosity and I suppose self consciously a desire for a bit of excitement. If the separation was caused by geographic changes or parental disapproval, the chances of a successful reunion are better. Don't know. If your breakup was caused by deception or cheating, you find it's still hard to move on. Would not want to break up family unit but feel sacrificing own happinness completely at moment. What are your motives for contacting OB in the first place? I haven't told him who it is and he has not asked! My ex-boyfriend from high school contacted me after 40 years. Not initially anyway. And in both cases we managed to find a middle ground - friendship of sorts and nothing more. I should have felt bad about it because he has a partner but I was so happy. RELATED: Embracing A New Relationship With An Old Flame. I have been researching rekindled romances since 1993. I hope they give you the confidence and the know-how to reach out to the one you’re hoping to feel sparks with again. But, unless you’re single, divorced or widowed, it’s probably best to avoid searching for that old love on Facebook. Lost love reunions are a different kind of romance. Contacted 1st ever boyfriend (2 year relationship) on FR and have now arranged to meet up in 2 weeks. The two exchanged e-mails, then … Feeling really excited and miserable at the same time. (and giving me your old boyfriend's number You don't need an old boyfriend to make you feel gorgeous!! Maybe he wanted his daughter to finish school and explore the world before she settled down. Connecting with an old flame is something that many people want to do at some point in their life. Toilet training expert answers questions on bathroom habits and routines, Share your tips for saving on your energy bill with ESB Energy, Share your tips for keeping your children’s skin comfortable through the winter months, Meeting old flame for first time in 20 years, Talk widget showing discussions of the day & trending threads, Subscribe to Mumsnet emails direct to your inbox. What often happens is someone will want to drop an old buddy a line, but then they'll think, "It will be so weird contacting them out of nowhere. After a weekend of really thinking about her, and four months of thinking about her daily, we met for lunch. He is an a*se with his ex wife and cheats on his current partner so definitively not the man I want in my life but; Lori Bizzoco is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY. Sorry to be blunt but it sounds like a recipe for disaster. I would cancel. I had 4 month of "suffering" as I had her in my mind A LOT, whereas I didn't for the 20 years prior. I know it takes two to ruin a marriage but it only takes one to decide not to... ignore my previous post didn't realise ex was about to become a dad. Because there was an initial romance years ago — usually in the adolescent, formative years and lasting more than ayear — these romantic partners are not new to each other. At 41 years old, I found my elementary school crush on Facebook. (yes, yes, I know it takes two...) In this situation, I feel terribly sorry for his pregnant wife. I can *completely* understand how tempting it might esp if things are not great with dh be but no good can come of it (as my granny might say!) I am not a paid member, but am able to read lots of rekindling stories for free in the "members love stories" section on the message boards. After 20 years of being apart amd living separate lives he still loves me like he did back then. Shopaholic - please be careful. It might make you think twice about playing such dangerous games, Hi Shopaholic, I saw this thread and tried to make a link to another about the same subject, and then I realised that you were also the one who started the other thread... -I can't stop comparing DH's earnings and position with ex's But agree with the rest, I don't think is worth the risk... Shopaholic, please don't get the wrong idea - I'm sure everyone understands those feelings (especially when you become a mum, sometimes I really wonder where the old me went) - and it's lovely to have someone who seems to understand and share this with you. He said he had been thinking about me all those years. Should I meet OB or not? " Further to my previous post this is why, if I could make the same decision again, I wouldn't see my ex, specially if we both seem to be soo interested. It finally put a lid on thoughts of 'what if'. RELATED: 5 Ways To Get Your Ex Back (Without Seeming Too Desperate). Someone with whom you certainly shared a mutual interest at some point, but for one reason or another, did not pursue. Seeing how far we had both come since our twenties, seeing they had faults and were not the super creatures I had remembered them to be. I've had exes email me and I have never replied and it would be devastating for me if I found my husband had done so. No move ahead 20 years. Page 2 | Meeting old flame for first time in 20 years (183 Posts) Add message | Report. I sympathise Shopoholic, I really do. Why You Long To Reconnect With Your Old Crush Years After They're Gone. ... After over 20 years my first love found me. He is married and is winding you up, do you really think that offers some future? I have never told this before, but seeing this in writing I sound so pathetic!!! A lot of people feel it's awkward and a little nerve racking to try to get back in touch with a friend they haven't spoken to in a while. We are now making plans for the future. Do you really want to get involved with someone like that? Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. An old flame is usually either someone with whom there was once chemistry, or someone you dated briefly, or exchanged numbers with but never followed up. Meeting old flame for first time in 20 years (183 Posts) Add message | Report. If something were to be rekindled there would be two broken families, not one. This is page 1 of 8 (This thread has 183 messages.). I would just ask you, before you embark on a relationship with a married man, to read some of the many stories of heartbreak on Mumsnet due to affairs. I myself would hate to have the burden of knowing I wrecked a marriage... Hi Shopaholic Yes, my heart did the odd flutter and yes, they did invade my thoughts for a long time before and after, but it was really thereputic seeing then as older men. Don't overthink it. If you do decide to leave your husband, do it without a third party. well, here's another angle for you. If it were my dh I'd be devastated. Post your advice below. As a woman who re-dated a man I married after several years apart, I confess to being part of this growing trend. I was devastated and didn't know his reason until years later: Steven's parents didn't think I was strong-minded enough or that I'd push him professionally. Fantasise about leaving when youngest (now 7) is older. Thinking about an old flame is fine, but beware of contacting them because it can escalate into an affair with amazing speed and force. They caused me much, much heartbreak. These are some good steps to take when you want to connect with an old flame. No matter what the past situation, start fresh, and approach the reunion with the same outlook as you would a new relationship. - I saw him almost three years ago and decided to stop contact shortly afterwards, but I still spend a lot of time trying to find more about him, and check every single place he may visit to see if I could see him (when I'm around of course is not that I am following him, but I keep the silly hope that I may accidentally meet him in these places), or get stupidly happy when somebody tells me they have seen him. Contacted 1st ever boyfriend (2 year relationship) on FR and have now arranged to meet up in 2 weeks. Unlike a new relationship, old issues could begin to surface. Before getting serious about your blast from the past, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Maybe you should talk to relate about how you are feeling about your marriage. 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